Today marks one year since my beautiful mother, Patricia Keys, passed away peacefully in her home, in her bed, with her special blankets, with her dogs by her side, and myself just as she wanted and we talked about. Those were her wishes when the time came. I am so incredibly grateful she is no longer in pain or struggling and with God and other loved ones who passed in heaven.
But myself like many others who are still here after a loved one passes. Well…. Although I am so happy for her, I miss her so much. We spent almost 10 years together, me as her caregiver. TEAM MOM that’s who we were. Through the tough times, the learning curves, the financial struggles, the fights ( the role reversal of me being the mom was tough for us both) she was so so so independent and so strong. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for her to have her independence taken away from her with her new health challenges and body after her stroke.
I am forever grateful that I GOT TO BE BLESSED BEYOND IMAGINABLE to be her caregiver and to spend so much time with her, make so so so many beautiful memories together and to learn and experience so much with her. Despite all the tough times, and trust me there were a lot for both of us I would do it again and again. Even knowing what we were in for, the pain, saddened, loss and struggles financially, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well as the loneliness. Again and again, I would do it just to hear her voice, see her smile, hear her stories, see her overcome challenges and have her teach me a whole new level of what being a strong woman and love meant.
This year has not been easy
The combination of extreme gratitude that she is safe and no longer in pain and with God and heartbreak is beyond what I know how to comprehend. The loneliness, silence, numbness and the lies I’ve told of how I’m fine when I’m either completely numb, breaking inside, lost or completely scared because I don’t really understand who I am anymore if i’m not her caregiver. But I am my mother’s daughter and I made promises to her.
We had so many beautiful talks about what it would be like after she was gone and just like she NEVER gave up when times were hard and no matter how much her body or heart hurt… I made promises I would do the same and make her proud. That I would carry on her name and represent what it meant to be Patricia Keys’s daughter and honor our care journey together and continue being TEAM MOM. That through the work, I GET TO DO with caregivers I would keep her alive and our journey would be the story that would be able to help other caregivers who got to love like we did.
What motivates me
People ask me what motivates me, why I’m so passionate about the work I get to do and why I’m so dedicated to this mission. Well, it’s because it’s a love letter to my mother. Every event I do, every caregiver I talk to, every community I get to build, every Champion I get to hire and work with, every resource or partner I talk to about how if we work together collectively we can make a positive change for caregivers, every press gig I do, every time I stand on stage and tell our story…. It’s another paragraph in the love letter to my mother saying, THANK YOU, you were never a burden, walking through the journey of caring for you taught me who I could be, how much I could love and it showed me a stronger and more beautiful side of you than I ever knew. So here’s to you mama… the love letter continues. I will keep my promises to you. I will be TEAM MOM from here while you watch from heaven.
Here is the obituary I wrote for her. I hope it shows a little bit of the incredible woman she was. As you can see I have some pretty big shoes to fill to be even half the woman she was. At the end it talks about donations but please ignore that and instead if you are a caregiver give some extra love to yourself and your loved one today and if you’re not a caregiver please if you know one… reach out and let them know they matter today.
Christina is available to speak on the topic of caregiver relationships and empowerment. Please contact her for details. The information shared is for general information only; please consult your healthcare team, legal, or financial advisors for guidance on your situation.
